We’re having another baby! You’ve
gotta be crazy to have a second child during intern year, and yet here we are. I
am 14 weeks and due January 15th.
When I went to my 6-week vagina check
up after having Emmett, the doctor asked me if I wanted to get on some birth
control. I told him it would be a miracle if we ended up getting pregnant on
our own, so I didn’t need any. A few
weeks later I got my first period. And about 6 weeks later, I still hadn’t had
another one. I was panicking that maybe I got a miracle, but one that I didn’t
want at all. And I bawled my eyes out. One child was more than enough for me at
the time and I was already mourning my one-on-one time with my little baby. I
was worried I wouldn’t be able to really enjoy him as much, especially since I loathe
being pregnant more than anything and I still hadn’t recovered from my
emotional time at the NICU. Also, I’m a very anxious parent so I couldn’t
imagine having 2 so close together. I know so many parents can handle it and do
a great job, but I am certain that would not be me. Luckily, the pregnancy was
100% in my head and I got a glorious period a few weeks later. I immediately
went into my OB and asked for an IUD. Even if there was a very slim chance we
could get pregnant, it was more for my peace of mind. Also, I have
endometriosis, so birth control helps the scarring from progressing more.
Fast forward 18 months, and we were
living back in Utah. I started feeling that ovary twinge and we realized that
if we were going to do IVF again, we should do it while we’re in Utah and
before residency since the costs are some of the cheapest in the country, plus
they already know our whole history. I asked my doctor how long she recommended
us trying on our own before we started IVF again and she said, with our history,
she would want to see us if we didn’t get pregnant after 3-6 months. I got my
IUD taken out on December 28th. I had a weird feeling that pregnancy
had healed my body and I felt like we would be able to get pregnant on our own.
I didn’t know if it was intuition or just wishful thinking. I had heard of
women who couldn’t get pregnant without IVF for their first and then they get
pregnant with their next just by looking at their husband. We used ovulation
tests to figure out when I was ovulating, and then just had a lot of sex. And
I’m shocked I’m even saying this, but it worked! I got my first positive
pregnancy test on February 4. This was the first time I’d ever gotten pregnant the
fun way. We couldn’t even believe it. I had such a strong feeling that it would
happen, but I couldn’t believe my intuition was actually right. Which does not
help my know-it-all tendencies.
But as the
days went on, I didn’t actually feel pregnant. With my other pregnancies, I
started getting exhausted right around 4 weeks. With this one, I had zero
symptoms. I figured maybe it was because I hadn’t done IVF, so I didn’t have
all those fun hormones ravaging my body. I was almost 6 weeks and a couple days
away from telling our families, when I started bleeding. I went into the ER
because it was a Saturday and they confirmed that I had miscarried. My HCG was
already so low again that they wouldn’t have even considered me pregnant. We
never confirmed whether there was a gestational sac, so I think it was probably
just a chemical pregnancy. We were heartbroken, but also grateful that we
hadn’t spent so much money trying for this one and that I hadn’t been sick or
even really registered that I was pregnant yet. But in some ways it was harder
to have all this hope that maybe getting pregnant would be easy for us from now
on, and then to have it snatched away again.
The next
month, I just knew we wouldn’t get pregnant. And I didn’t. But then the next
month, I had a feeling that this was the time. I’m telling you, I’ve turned
into kind of a psychic with this mother’s intuition crap. I am probably the
most logical person you will meet, but I kid you not, as I was laying on my
back in bed after some loving, I knew I had just gotten pregnant. That makes
zero sense, since it takes days for the sperm and egg to even meet and then
fertilize and then another week to even implant. But I just knew. I wasn’t even
surprised when I got a positive test on May 1st.
And just
for fun, if you wanna hear a story about how stupid I am, keep reading. So,
anyone that has used the cheap ovulation tests to try and a get pregnant will
know this, but I don’t think it’s common knowledge. When you take an ovulation
test, it gives you two parallel lines like a pregnancy test. But with an
ovulation test, both lines always shows up no matter if you are ovulating or
not. And then you know you’re ovulating when the two lines are both dark.
Whereas, with a pregnancy test, you only see a second line (whether faint or
not) if you are pregnant. So I took what I thought was a pregnancy test and was
thrilled that it was positive. I took a picture to show Billy when he got home
from work (because they fade after 20 minutes or so). When he gets home, I pull
up the picture to show him and he says “nuh-uh!” and I’m about to argue with
him and tell him “yeah-huh!” when I realize that the picture is of an ovulation
test. I had taken an ovulation test instead of a pregnancy test and so there
were two lines, because there always are on an ovulation test. I felt sick to
my stomach and like such an idiot and I started doubting my intuition even
though I still felt like I was pregnant. I then took a pregnancy test the next
morning and it was negative. But it was still pretty early, so I stubbornly
trusted my intuition. And a few days later, on May 4th I got a real positive.
On an actual pregnancy test! I essentially willed myself to be pregnant.
We were
still cautious about miscarrying, but with this one, I felt totally pregnant. I
was exhausted, started getting super sick at 6 weeks, and then we confirmed
with an ultrasound at 7 weeks that there was a real baby in there. And only one
(praise the Lord). I’ve been sick as a dog again. And the first few weeks I was
extremely depressed. And angry. If I said anything to offend you between May 25th
and June 13th, I’m very sorry. Please know it was all the hormones.
We are so
happy and nervous and scared and excited. Emmett says “NO!” every single time
we ask him if he wants Mommy to have a baby, so perhaps he should be the most
nervous of all.
