Flying Sucks

I hate getting to airports early (I type as I am waiting for my delayed flight). I would way rather be in a rush to get to my gate than get there an hour early and have to sit and wait—as I am now doing. Airports just suck the life out of you the longer you’re there. And then everyone gets in a line to get on the plane first so that they can just sit and wait some more. It’s like herding cattle. I like to play it cool and wait until the last minute to board so I don’t have to be all up in everyone’s space. Plus I always know which seat is mine—the empty one. And usually right next to a big, red-faced bearded man. How are you sweating, dude? It’s 5 degrees outside.

I have never been on a delayed flight. Ever. And I fly quite a bit. I got to the airport early because I thought there might be accidents with the recent snow and all the Californians and I had to check a bag which I never usually do. (See above comment about hating getting to airports early).  Needless to say, I got through security in no time, and was an hour early to my flight. And now my flight is delayed. Blehhhh.

Getting to my gate was the easiest process I had ever experienced at an airport. I didn’t have to take off my shoes, my big fur coat, my hat, or my watch. I didn’t even have to walk through the machine that snaps pictures of your naked body and probably posts them all over the internet. Plus, I got to leave my laptop in my backpack. What a pleasant experience! I am the pessimist that has been saying to anyone who will listen that we won’t even be allowed to bring on carry-ons in a few years. So, I am shocked and delighted that they are making it easier to travel, rather than adding more stress to one of my biggest fears—flying. I also can’t wait to read my Kindle the WHOLE flight and not be chastised by those damn flight attendants. I hate them.

Aaaand, as I’m typing this, they just announced that something electrical burned out on the plane, so they had to replace it. And then they immediately reassured us that Delta is a very safe airline. Whenever someone assures me that something is safe, I automatically assume it is NOT safe. Why else would they need to clarify? If they didn’t say anything, I would of course assume it was safe or else everyone wouldn’t be doing it. But once they feel the need to convince me, that sends my anxiety through the roof. Which is probably the reason why I hate salesmen. I don’t like trying to be convinced of anything. So, if my plane crashes, at least you will all know that I was right not to be so easily persuaded! I texted my pilot brother-in-law to ask him what the chances are of my plane going down—he responded with a 99%. Why does his sarcasm reassure me more than the “Delta is a safe airline” statement? Apparently, I have trust issues.

So, as I’m contemplating my imminent death, I realize that I don’t have a will written out. So, here is my last will and final testament (is that how you say it?). Billy gets all my stuff. He can have my job too, if that’s okay with Vivint. If it’s not okay, just give him my salary. And just transfer my Bachelor’s degree into his name so he won’t have to go to school his last semester.

And the suitcase that was on the crashed plane should be shipped to Virginia to my nieces and nephews out there. I don’t want my death to ruin everyone’s Christmas, so at least you will still get your presents even though I didn't make it there. Chelsea, Megan, and Erin, you can have all the clothes in my suitcase. Oh, and Mac, Jet, Asher, and Marlee –your Christmas presents are in my closet. Billy, your presents are at my parent’s house. One in the kitchen cupboard (sneaky) and one coming in the mail. Also, I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered at the Outer Banks. Merry Christmas!

PS: They just said that the mechanics are optimistic. What does that even mean?

PSS: We are switching airplanes. Woo hoo! I just might live.

Here are some of the Strong family pictures to remember me by. Thanks Caitlin Nicole Photography!