Bonnie & Clyve: How to Gain 15 Pounds in 48 Days

I feel like I should apologize for my brief blogging sabbatical, but since I’m the only person who probably noticed, I’m not going to apologize. Instead, I’ll bore you with the minute-by-minute details of the last 2 months.

Billy and I just enjoyed a month-long break for Christmas. Well, mine was more like 2 months. And I don’t know if you can call any vacation time I take a “break”, because I don’t really do anything to take a break from. A break from hang-drying my laundry, I suppose? Anyway, it was fabulous for so many reasons, which I will proceed to list here.

1. For obvious reasons, we finally were able to hang out...with each other! As I’ve said before, this was the only time in our lives where neither of us had to work or study. We’ve taken plenty of vacations (as our friends like to make us feel guilty about) but always in the back of our mind is the impending doom of getting back to work or cramming for the next test. Since Billy was in-between terms, he really had nothing to study. Although, I still caught him looking at various anatomy charts—is that normal?

2. I was able to spend 2 weeks in Virginia, sans Billy, and then meet Billy for our month in Utah. This translates to—AMERICA! The land of the free and Target. The home of the brave and the Quesarito (I know Mexicans didn’t come up with that, Taco Bell, but whoever did, I thank you from the bottom of my heart).

3. Nieces and nephews. If you follow me on Instagram, then you already know that I have the coolest nieces and nephews alive. While FaceTiming Billy one night, he asked me who was my favorite niece or nephew on my side. Yes, we pick favorites; don’t act like you don’t do it too. I tend to prefer the ages of 2-4, when they can talk and have their own little personalities. I don’t really know what to do with newborns, I usually get in trouble for poking them to try and wake them up so they’ll play with me. And then when they hit 5, I feel like they get smarter than me and my ego can’t take that kind of embarrassment. But when Billy asked me that question, I really couldn’t tell him. They’ve all become their own little people who are all so important to me. I think through all of them and I just smile: Sawyer (9) will just tell you like it is—like how when I gave him his Christmas present (a Rastafarian hat, complete with braids), he said “Are you just kidding?” Auntie fail right there; Caroline (9) can’t turn her brain off and it’s so fun to talk to her and see her insights into the meaning of life. That girl has got some depth; Mary Grace (6) has the biggest heart and is so empathic, it makes me want to be a kinder person. And just give her a big hug every time I see her; Emery (3) is a wild child with more spunk and passion than most 19-year olds have. She’ll either be the future president or the next cast-member on Jackass; Henry (2) has SO much energy and it’s my favorite thing in the world to make him laugh; Hadley (2) is such a curious little girl and loves to tell me what to do and dance to Taylor Swift with me (she's made it clear, I'm not allowed to sing); Sadie (1) is a pterodactyl baby, who is an expert growler and smiles ALL DAY LONG. And those dimples...I die. My sisters have raised these cute little kids who are their own people and it’s just so much fun for me to get to know them. I’m so lucky I get to be their Aunt Tor Tor.

4. I was able to go see my 89-year old grandmother on my first visit to Virginia, and then she passed away a few weeks later and I was able to come to her memorial service. It was very sad, and especially hard to see my dad upset. But I’m so happy that she is reunited with my Granddad and I was able to see her one last time. Such a little miracle for me. And the silver lining to funerals is that it’s a time when family all gets together.

5. I got really homesick for Grenada. 90% of my homesickness came from the fact that I couldn’t ever get warm. Virginia and Utah feel like home, of course, because our family is there. But then, said family goes to work and you don’t have anything to do, and you feel a little worthless and wonder why everyone can’t play with you all day, so you eat your feelings, which makes you feel better, because AMERICA, so you keep eating. We gradually got fatter and mort pasty white every day we stayed there. So, I was also pretty eager to get home and stop eating! It was very apparent to us that we were just visiting as we saw everyone else’s lives going on without us. Grenada is our home now, and that was an important realization to make. I don’t think I would have discovered that unless we left for Christmas break because I’m the type of person that needs something shoved in my face before I make connections.

6. Speaking of having stuff shoved in my face, (that’s what she said)—over Christmas we were so spoiled and got so much STUFF. And now that we are back, I realize how much I don’t need ANY of it. I’m quite annoyed at myself. Yet again, I brought way too many clothes back. But I only got 2 new swimsuits, which is progress for me. Down here, I’m known as the girl who has 30 swimsuits. And that’s only if I’m matching them—I rarely have the same color top and bottom on. I figure, some girls have a shoe problem, my problem is swimsuits. Doesn’t matter if it’s Mossimo or Michael Kors. (Okay, I only have one Michael Kors and the rest are Mossimo. I’ll stop acting like I’m rich or something).

Now that we are home, my favorite purchases by far are our HydroFlask insulated water bottles. You guys, I don’t even understand how they work, but they are MIRACULOUS! Billy and I keep testing them to make sure the water hasn’t gotten warm yet and they are always ice cold. We went to the beach the other day and had left the bottle out in the sun. I couldn’t even pick it up, because the outside was so boiling hot. Billy braved the first drink, and the water was still as cold as if he had pulled it out of the fridge! Technology, man.

7. It took me almost a week, but I finally got adjusted to driving on the right hand side of the road. And now that I’m back in Grenada, I’m all messed up again. They really should not be letting me drive in either country.

8. We were able to go skiing (remind me never to go to Snowbird again--way too steep for these weakling legs); swim at the Homestead Crater; go ice skating after we realized the Midway Ice Castles weren't open till January--my bad, guys!; stay a night at the Little America; do a live session at the SLC temple (first for Billy); see the temple lights with almost the whole family; go down to St. George were it was a balmy 42 degrees (Billy still went golfing, but I need at least 70 degree weather to golf); watch a lot of movies; see the aerials at Deer Valley; go to Cafe Rio 5 times; and play a whole lot of 8 Ball Pool on our phones.

Can I get something off my chest now? It’s really been bothering me. What is the deal with the fountain drinks that all come out of one nozzle? It makes my drinks disgusting! They are taking over America and no one seems to be upset about it! You guys don’t understand how hard it is to go without fountain drinks and then come to the first gas station I see once I’m in America, and then my Diet Coke is poopy. I may have gotten low-maintenance about a lot of things in Grenada, but when I step off that plane and go through customs, I expect to have a perfectly concocted Diet Coke. And I don’t think that’s too much to ask, America.

Overall, it was a successful break, and we are both 15 pounds heavier and settling in to second term quite nicely.